Thinking of family gatherings for Thanksgiving, I thought the following appropriate. It comes from my father’s Post Scripts book, a collection of his favorite columns and some I added:

Last weekend I was subjected to one of those hectic and exhausting excursions that my good wife lovingly identifies as a “family reunion.” To me they are strictly about hunger and driving.

My Upbringing

Maybe I wasn’t brought up right, being an only child. Maybe I have missed a few things along the way including the joy of having numerous brothers and sisters–and a whole host of other relatives. At any rate, I know my wife looks forward to each reunion with great anticipation and zeal, a state of mind and exuberance reserved for only the more momentous events that occur in our somewhat humdrum lives.

I Go to Drive the Car

When I go to Kathy’s family reunion, I am just along for the experience, the food and to drive the car. But it is a great day for the Weide family, and they make the most of it.

Good German Stock

My wife, as you may have surmised from her family name, is of good German stock. Many members of the family see one another only on this occasion during the year, and they arrive in a most festive mood. Many of the female members of the tribe are, what I will call here for politeness sake, quiet buxom. By the time two or three of them have given me the old Weide bearhug in greeting, and lavishly bestowed me with a warm, wet and friendly kiss, I am about in for the day.

Abundance of Food

As is the case at any such gathering there is always an abundance of food. I will say this for my wife’s family–they have a knack for preparing good solid food. And several of them are living proof that people can eat all the time and still move about.

Talk About Weight

Compliments fly thick and fast at the Weide family reunion. Everyone compares their weight this year as compared to last year. And it is considered perfectly all right if a few pound are put on here and there–mostly there, I note. “You’re little fleshier this year, Katherine,” Aunt Mina says. “But it becomes you.” The Weide family has had only one skinny member all those years. And she moved to California to get away from all the advice about good health and the fattening process!

And to Joe?

And what do they said to old Joe? “Ja, you’re not looking so gut, Josef,” Uncle Gustav Blaich comments. Cousin Freidrick asks if I’m still in the weekly newspaper business. After I answer in the affirmative, he replies, “Ach, don’t give up….you’ll find sumting gut vun of these days.”

So the Day Goes

So the day goes on and on. Members of the family who were unable to be present, and thus unable to defend themselves, really catch it as other members of the clan contribute choice bits of news and gossip. “Aunt….went and bought a new car and didn’t even have the piano paid for.” “She didn’t really need the operation, but you know how she likes to have attention.” “Confidentially, dear, that wasn’t a new dress she had on. She wore it two years ago to Uncle Otto’s funeral, may he rest in peace.” “Yes, they have an oil well now. But I can remember when they didn’t have a pot to put their baked beans in.”

Dessert and Packing Up

Finally it’s time for the evening dessert course and the packing up for the trip home. Weide family goodbyes take considerable time, stretching all the way from the table to the car door. We never get away as quickly as we plan because there’s always a last-minute exchange of information. Getting into the car is a major accomplishment at this point after more hugs and kisses. It’s a loving family.

Maybe Once Every 10 Years

Maybe it isn’t all as bad as I’ve described. But I’m convinced that family reunions should be limited to one each 10 years. Every year is just too often to drive miles and miles just to eat a buffet dinner in an atmosphere that rivals a Chinese fire drill. We’re agin’ it…but, then, it’s a mighty fine family that gave me the wife I’ve got.

 

Dad’s books Post Scripts, County Seat Paper and Para(graph) Trooper for MacArthur are available as Kindle ebooks and Amazon paperback books.