Big Men Born Here?

A stranger walked into the Gallatin Democrat newspaper office one morning and asked: “Any big men born here?” The editor, “Uncle Wes” Robertson, replied, “Nope, just babies.”

Now That’s Nervous!

There’s this lady in Gallatin who is the most nervous person I have ever seen. Her husband admits she’s a problem. “Why, she can thread her sewing machine while it’s running,” the husband says!

No Comment at the Moment

Then there was the very close-mouthed politician who shot his girlfriend and was convicted of murder in the first degree. Just before he was hanged, he was asked if he had anything to say. “Not at this time,” he declared.

They Spoke Plainly

Politics was taken seriously by the old campaigners at the turn of the century. In one particularly tough battle for Daviess County sheriff, one candidate said of the other, “He has been married for over 20 years and all he has running around his house is a picket fence.”

Hedging on the Issues

U.S. Senator Henry Cabot Lodge, who served Massachusetts at the turn of the 20th Century, was asked his opinion about a highly controversial bill one day, by a reporter: “Well, some say this and some say that, but what I have to say on the subject is that there’s no knowing and no telling, and mark my word, son, I’m right.”

Tinker’s Dam

If you watch a plumber or metal work when he is hard at work, you’ll see he uses a small obstruction to keep molten lead in the place he needs it to be. He calls that a tinker’s dam. So if someone tells you that you are not worth a tinker’s dam, don’t take him seriously.

We printed an item in our paper a few years ago and one fellow didn’t like it. He said we weren’t worth a tinker’s dam. That’s when we looked up the meaning of the phrase. We don’t mind being called names so much as long as we know what they mean!

Hardly Worth the Trouble

Just before the funeral service the undertaker went up to the quite elderly widow and asked: “How old was your husband?” “98,” she replied. “Two years older than me.” “So you’re 96,” the undertaker commented. She responded, “Hardly worth going home, is it?”

Lincoln and Congress

President Lincoln was well-known for his wry wit, which sometimes got him in trouble. Critics heavily criticized him for “inappropriate humor” in a time of war. He once said of Congress, “I have been told I am on the road to Hell, but I had no idea it was just a mile down the road with a dome on it.

Reagan’s Age

President Reagan changed the momentum in his race against Walter Mondale with one joke, countering the suggestion he was too old for job. “I will not exploit, for political purposes, the youth and inexperience of my opponent.”

Old-timer’s advice

We liked the news story that appeared in one of our favorite publications this past week. A 97-year-old man was asked to what he attributed his longevity. He replied: “I never waste energy resisting temptation.”